Unhappy, contentious marriages can lead to health problems in the spouses and life problems in the children. However, contentious divorces wreak the same havoc on the children that contentious marriages do.
Dr. John M. Gottman's most recent book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, co-authored with Nan Silver and published in 1999 in New York by Three Rivers Press, outlines how people can help make good marriages even more healthy, and how people can save broken marriages. In addition, Gottman gives readers incentive to want to do that, by citing the latest statistics on the health effects of marriage and divorce on children and spouses.
John M. Gottman is a marital therapist who scientifically studied thousands of couples to determine what makes marriages succeed or fail.
Dr. John M. Gottman's Marriage and Divorce Statistics
According to Gottman, the divorce statistics in America remain high.
- Sixty-seven percent of first marriages end in divorce over a forty year period.
- Half of these divorces occur within the first seven years.
- The divorce rate for second marriages is approximately ten percent higher than for first time marriages.
Dr. John M. Gottman's Statistics on Marriage and Health
According to research quoted by Gottman,
- unhappy marriages can increase the chances of becoming ill by thirty-five percent
- unhappy marriages can shorten one's life by four years
The reason for this is unknown. One theory is that the chronic stress of being in an unhappy marriage puts wear and tear on the body. In addition, happily married couples have lower rates of:
- high blood pressure
- heart disease
- anxiety
- depression
- suicide
- violence
- psychosis
- homicide
- substance abuse
Dr. John M. Gottman's Research on Marriage and the Immune System
Gottman's research indicates that a good marriage might directly benefit the immune system, though he concedes that more research is still needed in order to state this definitively. In Gottman's preliminary research, happily married couples showed more white blood cells when the blood was subject to a foreign body than did the couples who were neutral or unhappy. The same results occurred when testing cells that kill cancer.
Though the potential for an immune boost is still uncertain, according to Gottman it has long been known that divorce suppresses immune function, which can leave people vulnerable to infectious diseases and cancers.
Dr. Gottman's Statistics on the Effects of Divorce on Children
Gottman's study of 63 preschoolers in homes where there was great marital hostility showed that the children had chronically elevated levels of stress hormones compared with other children studied. The long term effects of this are not know.
The preschoolers were followed through to age fifteen and compared with other children their age. The children from the hostile marriages suffered more
- truancy
- depression
- peer rejection
- behavioral problems
- aggression
- low achievement at school and/or school failure
Gottman concludes that staying in a hostile marriage does not help children, but children of divorce often fare as poorly because the divorce process and remaining interaction between the ex-spouses can be just as hostile. Miserable marriage and miserable divorce fraught with hostility both impact the children negatively.
There are effective marital therapies out there, especially that which has been developed by Dr. John Gottman. Even if a broken marriage can't be saved, therapy can help lessen the negative impacts of divorce and co-parenting on the children and the spouses. From a health perspective, making marriage work seems to be the best option. Books like Dr. Gottman's can help.
Readers might also enjoy this Review of Dr. John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
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Lisa C. DeLuca - Lisa C. DeLuca is a psychotherapist/social worker who works with families and teens. She also treats panic and anxiety disorders.
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